Six months into our courtship, I waited for Daniel to make the proposal official, but it wasn’t coming. Valentine’s Day came and went—nothing. My birthday passed, and still, nothing. I called Enitan one day to tell her what was going on because it just didn’t make sense anymore.
“Babe, I’ve kept this from you for the past six months, but I can’t anymore. Do you remember the day you gave Daniel my address when he said he needed to apologize? Well, he proposed to me that day.”
“Yaaaaaayyyy! Babe, you are bad! And you didn’t tell me?”
“Wait, let me tell you the full story. Abi, have you seen me with a ring since then?”
“Errr… engagement is engagement na, right?”
“Hold up. The engagement was unofficial. According to him, he wanted me to know he was serious about us, so he proposed in an unofficial way while planning for a proper one. It’s been four months now, and nothing official has happened. I don’t know if it was just post-cum excitement that made him propose.”
“Post-cum? …Babe, no! But the four of us agreed after the last singles’ conference in church that we were done with sex before marriage. We decided to do things the godly way.”
“I know, babe. I fell, and I’ve been ashamed. I haven’t been bold enough to tell you ladies because of how guilty I feel.”
“And I’m sure you’ve fallen more than once after that, right?”
Silence.
Enitan sighed deeply from the other end.
“See, babe, this is exactly what the devil does. He makes the fall so big that you get swallowed up by guilt and shame, preventing you from sharing with your accountability partners. He uses that to pull you deeper into sin. Maybe this is a sign for all of us to meet up and review our stance. First, where do you and Daniel stand now?”
“I don’t even know. We’re cordial, but I expected him to have officially proposed by now, and we should’ve started talking about marriage rites. Do you know I’ve already told Mrs. Coker about him, though I didn’t mention the proposal? I’ve never told her about any man before. So I know she’s itching to hear when the introduction will happen. He hasn’t even had time to visit them. I’ve only spoken to his mum on the phone twice. I’m so confused.”
“What about that other guy you were considering to see if he fits?”
“Yemi? Oh, that guy was bad news. He told me I should go for therapy because I don’t have self-worth.”
“Oh no. That was awful! But let’s take emotions out and analyze what he said… You know what, babe? I’m coming to spend the weekend at your place. We need to sit down properly and talk.”
“Errr… maybe I should come to yours instead, babe.”
“Why, though? You don’t want to feed me for the weekend?”
“It’s not like that. It’s just that Daniel has been living with me.”
“You say? For how long?”
“Two months now. His landlord is renovating their apartment, so he’s staying with me for now while the work is done.”
“So, how does he go to work?”
“He works from home now. His mum has also been sick, so he’s on a form of compassionate leave and has been traveling a lot to see her. That’s part of why I don’t know how to bring up the proposal. I don’t want to seem insensitive considering everything he’s dealing with right now.”
“So, this is why you’ve been finding reasons to discourage everyone from coming over these past months? Damilola Coker, this is an emergency. We need to spend the weekend together. When you finish work today, pack your things and come to mine. We’re going to church together on Sunday, and you’ll go to the office from my place on Monday, so plan accordingly.”
Spending that weekend with Enitan was one of the best things that happened to me in that season of my life. Before we started talking, we held hands and prayed for the Holy Spirit to guide us and help us make the right decisions. There was one part of the prayer that brought me peace:
“Lord, we declare that everything shrouded in darkness will be flooded with light, and everything hidden will be exposed.”
I told her everything. How Daniel had borrowed almost 3 million Naira from me to help with his mum’s health. His mum had been diagnosed with kidney failure and needed two dialysis sessions a week, each costing 60,000 Naira at UCH. He was already in debt because of a loan from the company he used to build a hostel in Ibadan. His salary was heavily deducted before it even hit his account, so he was borrowing money from me to cover his mum’s medical bills, personal expenses, and some of his other financial needs.
Enitan advised me to bring it up with him.
“Tell him you want to go with him to visit his mum.”
“I’ve done that before. He said it would be a trigger for his mum, and he didn’t want to risk upsetting her.”
“How will seeing you be a trigger? You’ve spoken to her twice, and she knows you’re his ‘fiance,’ right? Seeing you will bring her peace. You need to insist. Tell him that you feel led to go with him and pray for her.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll try that.”
“And babe, we’ve prayed and asked for forgiveness. It would be foolish to return to that sin. I don’t know how you’ll sort out the cohabiting situation, but no more fornication. You need to take a firm stance. If he values you beyond your body, he will respect it.”
“I will, babe. I promise.”
We hugged, held hands, and prayed again for grace and strength to do the right thing. I left Enitan’s place on Monday with a renewed resolve to do things the right way and gain clarity on my relationship with Daniel.